Occasionally when browsing through old posts I stumble across something that I can't quite decipher. Sometimes posts make more sense in the context of the time they were written but in this case the context needed to be wrung out of the piece like soap from a wet towel. It wasn't until halfway through the second reading that I realized that this was actually about a game and not the beginnings of some creepy erotic fever dream. Have a gander at it yourself and see if you can pick it out at all.
My latest creations have reached the tribal stage, having literally eaten most of the competition. Their fires burn high and long into the night. The nightmarish shadows they cast on the ground become part of rival villages' folklore. "Stay out late, my son, and the Teleki-Li will chop you into bits." Most of the children dismiss these as mere boogieman tales until they see the truth in those stories. One by one, the tentacles and gnashing jaws come for all.
Yet the Teleki-Li speak of a greater nightmare. One that has brought ruin to the village many times. A gigantic and terrible beast that crushes all life beneath it. This foul monster resembles the small, adorable creature we know as a Koala but it is far from precious or fuzzy. Easily ten stories tall, the evil giant has an enormous, tree-like, leafy phallus, which swings like a date palm in a sandstorm as it lumbers about the plain.
Koallus brings only pain and death. Eight hunting parties have been dispatched with fire axe and spear. All have died. Even the chief of the Teleki-Li fears the Embiggened One. Its visage features prominently in the Teleki-Li folk art and mythology. Their creation tale claims that every plant and creature in the world sprang forth from the beast's loins. Every creature is son or daughter to this beast. As it kills its children, so the Teleki-Li follow suit, stamping youths who do not pass their trials to death.
The chief follows the religious doctrines, making offerings of meat to the beast every lunar cycle. But as the child kills the parent to survive the winter, so too must their spiteful god one day die. On that day they will have a great feast and light the ceremonial fires. They will eat heartily the meat from their fallen idol and use its strength as their own to conquer the rival tribes. The Teleki-Li will rule their world
All hail Koallus!
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Did you figure it out? Yeah, I was describing the terrible truth of community sourced creature seeds in Spore. In theory, having your worlds populated by creatures made by other players is a really cool way to diversify the content. In actual practice though most players ended up with whole solar systems populated by large, predatory genitalia. I still am not sure if the person responsible for creating Koallus (a nicknaame I gave it) really knew what it looked like or if it was just supposed to be clinging to a eucalyptus tree.
