The 2008 VGA's

Monday, December 15, 2008
I was enticed into watching the VGA's in the same way a fly is lured to a pitcher plant. Lured close by the promise of exclusive trailers and previews, I found the edges too thin with the sweet nectar. Knowing that it grew in fat droplets near the center, I wandered further in only to grow drunk and drown in the noxious pool at the heart of the VGAs.

Okay, so maybe my metaphor is a little intense, but the meaning is still the same. I was not pleased with the show in the least. Almost every aspect of my beloved hobby was reduced to a stereotype in front of the very people that make the games I love. I suppose I shouldn't expect anything too wonderful from the same network that brings us a half hour show dedicated to answering the questions of the drunken tools.

Jack Black was funny enough but he was hardly there at all. The awards themselves were sparse and disorganized, but most of all, the previews (the very reason I watched the show) were shorter than most teasers I've seen. Fifteen seconds of quick cuts is not a preview of God of War 3, and a cut scene, in-engine or not, is not gameplay footage of Uncharted 2. It's a lie perpetrated to seduce and digest me.

The musical guests were certainly less than spectacular. I don't care about 50 cent, nor does anyone in this modern world give a damn about LL Cool J. At least not since 1998. Once again, I sat through crap like the All American Rejects (whose lead singer can't seem to decide if he's Steven Tyler of Mick Jagger) so that I could see Weezer play at the end of the show, only to see their lead singer give the poorest performance of his career, jerking around the stage like a palsy victim.

I won't be watching the VGA's again. They've been paid their pound of flesh. Never again Spike TV, never again.