Of Koalas and Phalli

Tuesday, May 5, 2009
My latest creations have reached the tribal stage, having literally eaten most of the competition. Their fires burn high and long into the night. The nightmarish shadows they cast on the ground become part of rival village's folklore. "Stay out late, my son, and the Teleki-Li will chop you into bits." Most of the children dismiss these as mere boogieman tales, but many learn all too late their fathers spoke of lost siblings in those stories. One by one, the tentacles and gnashing jaws come for all.

Yet the Teleki-Li speak of a greater nightmare, one that has brought ruin to the village many times. A gigantic and terrible beast that crushes all life beneath it. This beast resembles a small, adorable creature known as a Koala. This particular monster notes one major difference. The evil giant has an enormous, tree-like, leafy phallus, which swings like a date palm in a sandstorm as it lumbers about the plain.

The beast brings only pain and death. Eight hunting parties have been dispatched with fire axe and spear. All have died. Even the chief of the Teleki-Li fears the embiggened one. It's visage features prominently in the Teleki-Li folk art and mythology. Their creation tale tells how every creature sprang forth from the beasts loins. Every creature is son or daughter to this beast. As it kills it's children, so the Teleki-Li follow suit, stamping youths who do not pass their trials to death.

The chief follows the religious doctrines, makes offerings of meat to the beast every lunar cycle. But as the child kills the parent to survive the winter, so too must their spiteful god one day die. On that day they will have a great feast and light the ceremonial fires. They will eat heartily the meat from their fallen idol and use its strength as their own to conquer the rival tribes. The Teleki-Li will rule their world

All hail Koallus!