Now That Is a Goddamn Crab

Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Hello, sleepwalkers.

It's been a long time. Too long. But the prodigal has been forced off his ever-expanding ass and has arisen again to inform you that after much ranting and raving, my fucking prayers have been answered.

Final Fantasy XIV, which you may remember I have some interest in, is coming along nicely. And while it isn't the second coming of MMOs--in fact, aesthetically anyway, it's FFXI with a facelift--it seems Square Enix has learned a thing or two about the people who play their games. Yours truly, in particular.

See, a while back I ranted a lot about XI. One thing in particular. FFXI's fucking crabs. These little, dinky blue-shelled bastards which populated every possible ecology in the game. Deserts? Crabs. Beach? Crabs. Caves? Crabs. Man, those things were everywhere. It isn't even that they were everywhere, though--it was that you had six goddamn people fighting this thing which could be felled with a sturdy can opener.

Well, Square Enix listened. I said that if I was going to fight crabs, they needed to be cool crabs. Scary crabs. Crabs whose sole purpose was the consumption of manflesh.

They did it. Hot shooting ropes of joy, they did it. Now this is a fucking crab.
Note: At about 3 minutes you get a good hard look at the bastard.

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