Battlefield Refined

Saturday, February 28, 2009
You might have seen Malech refer to me in his previous post (so awesome, by the way, and god I hope she got pictures of your face) when he brought up Warhawk. His text would have you infer that I like Warhawk.

This is not totally incorrect.

I fucking love Warhawk. It is, hands down, the best battlefield experience to be had on a console. Arguably, (meaning, I think this but you might bring up 1942 or some shit), the best battlefield experience anywhere.

So, that's why I'm here to tell you one simple thing:

Warhawk is awesome.

This is a fact--motherfucking science factamundo--that has, sadly, yet to permeate the 'culture'.

This isn't supposed to be a review. We here at Somnambulant Gamer know (and encourage) that you go elsewhere for such fare. I'm not trying to tell you that Warhawk is a nine or whatever. While yes, it is the sum of vast and dark lines of numbers and text, (or code, if you're going to be a dick about it), that is where its numerical existence ceases. It may not look like much, there, in the Playstation store. But like some ancient, malevolent tome, it practically crackles with dark energy. You can feel it in the room.

So, no, this isn't a little-girl rating. It transcends that fucking shit. This is the gift of enlightenment. Warhawk is awesome. There. Now you know.

It is awesome because:

It is vast.

When you spawn in Warhawk (at any base your team currently controls, which one is up to you), you are on foot. You start with two weapons and can pick up seven more. Or you can get in a jeep. Or a tank. Or a flak. Or a missile turret. Or a Warhawk--(a plane, retard). Or grab a jetpack or an APC or a dropship and pick up a tank and six of your friends and drop them into the enemy base.

There's a fucking bucketload of shit to do.
Even if you suck at killing people. You can capture bases, repair vehicles and turrets, and set mines. You can get first goddamn place without killing a soul. Shit; the game will give you an award for it.

And if you do like killing? Well, mis amigos, welcome to the motherfucking buffet.

In a jeep you can drive or man the turret, a la Halo. In a Tank you can drive and fire or man the hatch. That's right. Pop up out of that hatch with your machine gun and kill some motherfuckers. Or have your buddy drive and man the main turret while you hang out of the hatch with a fucking flamethrower. Yeah, just you try and stop me from getting that flag.

In a warhawk, there are an additional 9 plane-specific weapons; everything from lightning guns to swarm missiles to air mines to cloaking devices. Engage in dogfights, bomb the enemy base, or unleash the full wrath of your weaponry on some hapless enemy turd who just happens to be scurrying along there, in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sorry, old chum.

But wait...there's more!
Play any of Warhawk's...hold on, I actually have to count...six game modes, including the complex and super rad Hero and Collection modes. There are eight maps, each of which with the ability to break down into smaller maps that draw whole new tactics from teams and players. There are three goddamn expansions.

The best part, though?

Warhawk is accessible. Every other battlefield game I've played suffers from either shoddy controls, grating graphics, or a ridiculously steep learning curve. Warhawk is beautiful, with spot-on controls, and because of the innumerable things to do, you'll be getting kills your first round. Excellent map cues, clear visibility and extraordinarily intuitive controls help take the frustration out of what often plagues other online-only games--great players who kick your ass continually. There is a sublime amount to be learned; skills to be honed, weapons and vehicles to master; but you'll be actively helping your team towards victory on day one.

This really didn't mean to become a sales pitch, but I tire of seeing so many commenters on other gaming blogs wondering if this game is any good. There's no reason for a question like that to exist. Get Warhawk. Right now, it's $20, thanks to a Home-centric promotion to advertise the game's new 'command center' Home space; this thing has actual sandbox versions of the Warhawk stages, complete with miniatures, specifically for strategizing and game-launching.

So yeah. Warhawk, bitches.